The Secret to Raising Resilient Children | Beyond the Classroom
All parents strive to provide the best environment for their children to succeed, but with so many parenting styles and philosophies, it can be challenging to know which approach works best.
In her book The Smartest Kids in the World: And How They Got That Way, journalist Amanda Ripley explores styles of parenting. Ripley shares research which sheds light on a powerful parenting style that has been linked to higher academic achievement, better mental health, and fewer behavioral issues: authoritative parenting.
In the early twenty-first century, American parenting was often characterized by active involvement in school functions, embodying the “Parent Teacher Association (PTA) parenting” style. PTA parents deeply cared about their children’s education, frequently participating in school events and understanding the importance of education. Interestingly, American parents were generally more highly educated compared to their counterparts in many developed countries.1
However, a significant number of American parents also expressed concerns about over-structuring their children’s learning experiences. They believed that children learned best through free play and worried about the fragility of their children’s psyches.
This mindset was influenced by the self-esteem movement of the 1980s and 1990s, which emphasized shielding children from competition and reality to foster success. Consequently, PTA parents often concentrated on non-academic aspects of their children’s school life, engaging in activities like bake sales and soccer coaching, and generously praising their children’s efforts.
While PTA parents played a crucial role in enriching the school’s culture, budget, and sense of community, evidence suggested that their involvement did not significantly enhance their children’s critical thinking skills. In fact, data from a Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) survey indicated that teenagers whose parents were active in the PTA often performed worse in reading compared to their peers.
In contrast, Korean parenting, often described as “coach parenting,” emphasized direct involvement in their children’s education at home. Coach parents prioritized reading, quizzing, and pushing their children to excel academically. This style of parenting, prevalent in many Asian countries and among Asian immigrant parents in the United States, proved effective.
Research showed that children raised by coach parents not only performed better in school but also enjoyed reading and school activities more than their peers.
American parents typically favored a more organic approach to learning, while coach parents adopted a systematic and direct method using workbooks and structured study times. This method did not necessarily require a high income or advanced education. Studies also revealed that European-American parents who adopted a coach-like approach tended to raise children who performed better academically.
Globally, parenting styles are often categorized into four types:
• Authoritarian: Strict disciplinarians who enforce rules with a “because I said so” attitude.
• Permissive: Indulgent and conflict-averse, acting more like friends than parents.
• Neglectful: Emotionally distant and often absent, frequently associated with poverty.
• Authoritative: A balanced approach combining warmth and responsiveness with clear limits and rules.
Research by Dr. Jelani Mandara at Northwestern University, involving 4,754 U.S. teenagers and their parents, highlighted the benefits of authoritative parenting. Teenagers with authoritative parents demonstrated higher academic achievement, fewer symptoms of depression, and fewer behavioral problems. Authoritative parents fostered resilience in their children, allowing them to explore, fail, and make independent choices within defined boundaries.
Ultimately, the combination of caring relationships with both adults and God is what truly equips children for success. The secret to raising resilient and successful children lies in the powerful combination of love, structure, and faith.
Resilience is not built in isolation, but in connection. By cultivating strong relationships at home, at school, and with God, we can help our children grow into strong, capable, and resilient individuals, prepared to face the world with confidence and grace.
1 Ripley, Amanda. The Smartest Kids in the World: And How They Got That Way. Simon & Schuster, 2014.
Robb Warfield has over 25 years of experience as an educator, principal, and director across four countries. He holds a Master’s degree in School Administration, a Master’s of Arts in Education, and a Bachelor of Arts degree in History. Robb joined Dakar Academy as the principal of Central Campus in 2015, became the director in 2016, and has since led the expansion of the school, opening DA West in 2019, DA Co-op Campuses in Guinea in 2020 and Liberia in 2023, and DA South in 2022.